The essentials to make friends in adulthood

The essential bases to make friends in adulthood

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The essential bases to make friends in adulthood

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The essential bases to make friends as an adult

Making new friends and meeting new people is more and more difficult with age. Yet a new friendship can be born at any time of life!

Being surrounded by friends brings self-confidence, inner security and daily joy. Valuable, friendship is essential for our mental health. Whether you choose your friends with great care or like to be surrounded by a lot of people, the presence of your friends is often essential in order not to suffer from an emotional loneliness that is difficult to live with day after day.

While you must always be careful not to fall into emotional dependence, making friends remains a crucial, even vital, need. Don’t panic if you are having difficulty reaching new people or integrating into a group, most of us face this problem and it is even more so as we age. The aim of this article? Give you tips and advice to help you turn your meetings into friendships. Now is the time to take action.

What attitude to adopt to make friends?

Be pleasant

When looking to make friends, working on your attitude, your way of presenting yourself to the world, is something fundamental . Objective: to inspire sympathy. Of course, a friend gives you support and comfort when things are not going well, but when it comes to your first contact with someone, it is better to focus on at least a smile and an attitude that makes you want to. to come to you, to get to know you. Non-verbal communication is essential.

Do not hesitate to seek the eyes of the people around you. If you seem more focused on your drink or on the hour fly … we are unlikely to find your attitude engaging. On the contrary, you show more by this that you do not want to make contacts, and even less to make friends. Show your availability by lifting your head and adopting a relaxed posture. And keep in mind that you only have one chance to make a good first impression!

Interested in others

Did you manage to start a conversation? This is the opportunity to go further and get to know each other. If there is no magic bullet, a guideline can help you keep the dialogue going: showing interest in each other. Now is not the time to tell your life story in great detail. Don’t get caught up in a selfish discussion advocating your own self, be true by being careful not to offend the sensitivity of the other (whom you don’t yet know very well) and avoid being too negative in your words.

On the contrary, take an interest in your interlocutor by asking him questions. For the more introverted, you can choose from among the essentials: what profession does the person with whom you are chatting? In which region did she spend her childhood? Where does she like to go on vacation? Does she have children? Through these questions, you collect valuable information to find out if you have anything in common and if a friendship is possible.

If your interlocutor is someone who is also interested in others, they will take the opportunity to bounce back and punctuate their responses with a “what about you?” The conversation then becomes a real dialogue where you can each express yourself in a pleasant and enriching exchange. If the person you are talking to never comes back to you in their speech, it may be that the idea of ​​a friendship with this person is to be rejected.

The Dale Carnegie Method

Dale Carnegie was an American expert on personal development and social relationships. If you thought some of his ideas out of date, think again! His book “How to make friends?”, Published in 50, is still used today as a reference when ” it is about meeting new people or expanding your network of acquaintances.

“How to make friends” is a small manual which explores the questions of sincerity and spontaneity, essential to the birth of a friendship, including when one considers the friendship as a goal to be reached (which can in fact be harmful to this sincerity). It combines explanations and exercises and highlights 6 main principles of general conduct to follow in order to make friends.

Without ever lying, Dale Carnegie recommends valuing the person you are talking to, making them talk, listening to them, keeping a smile during the conversation and taking an interest in their life. Finally, which may seem trivial but which is not so much: he advises to stick to remembering the first name of the interlocutor to prove our sincere interest in the latter.

Avoid being intrusive

Did you manage to get a phone number? Have you already talked about doing one or more activities with your new acquaintances? Even if you want the pace to pick up and see each other as really good friends, give the relationship time to solidify and avoid bad reflexes that can quickly label you as “heavy” or “overwhelming.” that we dread to see.

Don’t take advantage of the newly acquired phone number to multiply messages, and don’t start planning the next ten activities to do together after the first is completed. This type of behavior tends to frighten rather than bring people together, and you risk losing the confidence you have gained. Try to feel the desires of the other and pay attention to the expression of a refusal: no need to insist by offering fifteen other dates to have a drink when the first two suggestions have been declined.

Where to go to make friends?

Going out, an essential to make friends

No offense to introverts, you have to go out to meet new people. No one will come knocking on your door, it’s up to you to make an effort to meet people outside. Even to get to know your neighbors, it is essential to get out of your comfort zone: after passing them quickly several times in the elevator or in the park below, take the opportunity to invite them for coffee, aperitif or even at dinner to get to know better. But since this is not always easy to do in practice, remember to select your meeting places to make your job easier. Here are some ideas…

Night establishments

When we think of “going out to meet people”, it is often the image of the club or the club. night that comes to mind. This place may be a good idea … depending on its age. Because yes, we do not come into contact in the same way at 20 years and at 40 year. Maximum decibels and one too many drinks don’t really invite conversation, which often remains the basis of a new friendship in adulthood.

Quieter, bars are then a better solution. Simplify your life by choosing an establishment that appeals to you: salsa evening, literary exchange, karaoke … No matter what, the main thing is to meet people who share at least one center of common interest with you, which allows to start a conversation much more easily.


In the same vein, it can be very relevant to join an association that interests you to make friends. To maximize the social bond, opt for a naturally friendly association: group dance lessons, team sport, board games … Attention, make sure you are available at least for the events organized by the chosen association. Missing the end-of-year show after your dance lessons or being absent from the weekend volleyball game means you miss out on socially strong events that strengthen the relationships between participants. In short, you will miss the point and risk finding yourself on the sidelines when the other members of the group have forged links.

If you choose to join an association, it is important to come regularly to courses and membership meetings. If you miss half of them or if you cannot be counted on to run a booth at the associations forum, you will soon be forgotten. Keep in mind the benefits of the “exposure effect” that anyone looking for friendship should know.

This notion reflects the importance of physical contact with the other, even without any real common interest. The more we see someone, the more we will get to know each other and the more we will trust each other. We are naturally driven to appreciate a person we see regularly.

Applications for mobile phones

New technologies have changed the way we meet new people. There are indeed many dating apps for people looking for friendship. Some, like Bumble, are presented as dating applications, with the possibility of swiping until you match with the right person. Others, like Meetup, are more based on the compatibility of the activities that members like to practice.

If you like going out, you will appreciate the With app, which offers both joining a group and finding people to accompany you on an outing that you want but don’t want to go to. solo. Very anchored in daily life, the Ziwego network allows you to make friends, but also to share tips and provide services.

These apps are ideal for the timid in particular, who find it difficult to initiate a conversation in the field. By chatting a bit through the upstream app, you no longer go out with complete strangers and it is easier to break the ice when meeting.

The place of is it a good time to make friends?

Why can friendship arise where you work?

Work involves working with the same colleagues almost every day, depending on your profession . It is therefore an ideal opportunity to bring into play the exhibition effect: as we see you on a daily basis, a first bond has already been created with you… and this, even if we do not yet know you. In addition, working together encourages people to go towards each other. Indeed, it is always very appreciable to be able to count on a person to help you in the event of hard blow or delay. People therefore try to create a minimum of links with their colleagues. Take advantage of this natural momentum to change the working relationship to the status of friendship!

How to develop a friendship with colleagues?

Despite the exposure effect that works in your favor, you still need to add a little yours if you really want to make friends where you work. You have to try to strike up a conversation and get to know your colleagues. Breaks are of course the privileged moments to expand your network: at the coffee machine in the office, at lunch break on the site, while waiting for the arrival of the first customers in the shop … By knowing your colleagues better, you you will become able to pay them little attentions and therefore take a step closer to friendship. Bring pastries on Thursday morning, a day that you know started very early for one of your colleagues who has three children, offer a small package of chocolate to another who is going through a bad patch, drop off another colleague who has her broken down car…

There is no shortage of opportunities to show yourself attentive once you have decided to do so. The next step in turning coworkers into friends is getting out of the workplace. Having a drink in the evening with debauchery, attending a concert together, having a movie … the objective is to discover them in an environment other than that of the professional world to create more intimate links, those who make the real friends.

The risks of friendship at work

Making friends at work has many benefits. They know your job, which allows them to better understand the anecdotes you tell, you are less likely to annoy them by talking about work during unrelated activities, you enjoy their company every day … However, some precautions can be useful to maintain a pleasant working atmosphere.

For example, it is important to find the right balance, especially when it comes to the attention you pay to your colleagues. Indeed, everyone would risk coming to think that you simply want to draw attention to yourself and make yourself look good to the managerial team, for example. Stay discreet and delicate in your way of doing things, at the risk of feeding the image of an opportunist.

Also, while making friends at work is great when everything is going well, keep in mind that discord can have repercussions on both your personal and professional life. The daily tensions felt at work could then become unbearable and the problem will go even further if the friend in question begins to reveal in broad daylight the confidences that you have previously made to him …


Very focused on pyscho and sexo subjects, Leila Gheiro is a versatile journalist who loves to vary the themes and explore subjects to tackle it in all its …

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